A Jedi Apprentice Road Trip
by Sithstrukk
Summary: Eight Jedi are ordered to go on... a cross galaxy road trip? This should be interesting... crack!fic. On hold.
1. Chapter 1: Prolouge

**A brief explanation as to what this is: a very n000b-ish fic I decided to write for my own amusement. Some humor, romance, adventure, and friendship. It's pretty crazy. I don't think anyone will like it much.**

**I don't own Jedi Apprentice**

Prologue

The Jedi Council had called Qui-Gon, Tahl, Adi Gallia, Clee Rhara, and their Padawans to the Council Room. Each Knight filed in with their Padawans close behind them. The busy Coruscant traffic lanes went in all directions around the top spire. It gave off an air of excitement-or perhaps it was just hydrocarbon exhaust. Either way, the bustle of the planet sent thrills of adventure down every spine.

And a call to the Council room definitely meant adventure. "A big mission, we have," Yoad solemnly nodded. "Require your best effort, we do."

"The Senate claims that the galaxy is a big, violent, disorganized mess when it comes to traveling," Mace Windu continued. "They want a hyperlane to cut straight across the galaxy in a straight line."

"That's impossible," Tahl snorted.

"It may seem that way. But for the Senate, it is a priority. They want a main route down the center of the galaxy."

"What about the core?" Tahl interrupted yet again. "The deep core. Hyperlanes are very unstable."

"That's for you to figure out," Mace sniffed. "I just give orders."

"Look where that's gotten you," Qui-Gon muttered softly. Clee snickered. Bant and Obi-Wan exchanged amused glances. Adi Gallia rolled her eyes.

Mace scowled. "The eight of you are taking an across-the-galaxy road trip. You will be plotting hyperspace courses. The Senate seeks the help of the Jedi because we happen to be the most qualified in delicate situations and danger. The mission should take about six months. Any questions?" He searched the faces of each Jedi.

They all wore dull expressions of polite interest.

But inside, each Jedi chosen was bursting with delight. They knew this mission was going to be fun.

**Remember, prologue= short. Chapter = long. Review = awesome.**


	2. Chapter 2: Hyperdrive failure

**Mesa back! I told you I would update soon. This chapter is being frantically typed while I played Pokemon. I filled up my Pokedex! *dances***

The next day, everyone boarded a craft. First they were to go to the fringes of civilized space. According to the Masters, they were to start at Belkadan; a system at the very edge of the outer rim, dominated by humans.

"It seems like a waste to go all the way to the edge of the galaxy when we're already in the middle," Clee remarked.

"Not the exact center," Qui-Gon corrected.

"If they want a hyperlane down the middle of the galaxy, they're gonna get a hyperlane down the middle of the galaxy," Tahl said.

"I thought they meant down the middle of the Republic," Siri whispered to Bant.

"Maybe they meant that. But our Masters are taking it as 'down the middle of the civilized galaxy.'" Bant mused. "Stupid bureaucracies. This will save us time, though."

Siri rolled her eyes.

"What _are _you _doing_?" Mace appeared in the cockpit, exasperated. "No loitering. Go! Take off! Scat! _Now!_"

The Jedi obeyed and began powering up the ship. Mace scurried out of the cockpit to the landing ramp.

Adi Gallia took the controls. She steered the ship into Coruscant's atmosphere, scowling at its clumsiness. "Cheap Republic!" She spat. "They expect us to fly across the galaxy in _this?_"

They cleared the atmosphere and Tahl placed the hyperspace coordinates. The ship began to lurch into hyperspace. Then it began to sputter. Than it went back to real space. Obi-Wan, neglecting his seat belt, was thrown across the cockpit and into Tahl's lap. He looked a little dazed and dreamy, but was otherwise fine.

A red-faced Qui-Gon picked him up and thrust him back into his seat. For some reason, Qui-Gon didn't like the attention his Padawan gave Tahl.

"The hyperdrive," Garen groaned. "Leave it to the Senate to be cheapskates."

"We better check on it." Clee rose from her seat and motioned to her Padawan. They disappeared into the room housing the hyperdrive.

"This is a weak hyperdrive!" Clee exclaimed.

"What a piece of bantha poo-doo!" Garen cursed.

"Watch you language!" Clee chastised. "And don't roll your eyes at me- that's it- you're grounded as soon as we're back at the Temple!"

Obi-Wan patted Garen as he slouched back into the cockpit. "It's alright, man."

"Says the guy who got flung into Tahl's arms," Garen pouted.

Clee Rhara was studying the controls with Qui-Gon. "Try the hyperdrive now," she suggested. "But a lower setting."

Qui-Gon took over the controls from the blind Jedi-the main reason the hyperdrive failed- and slowly nudged it into hyperspace. The stars began streaking past the viewport. Everyone held their breath. Everyone but Bant nearly suffocated, they had to hold it for so long.

At last, the ship was cruising through hyperspace.

When it was safe to speak, Tahl said, "You know, this mission is going to be pretty long. It's also going to be really boring. I don't think the Senate would mind if we did some sightseeing.

The murmurs of agreement were drowned out by screams coming from the back of the ship?

**Who is this screaming maniac? Please review!**


	3. Chapter 3: It's the Ghost!

**Hi everyone! Thanks for reviewing! I especially loved "serious starwars fan." Just the response I was looking foc**

Everyone in the cabin froze. Tahl leaped from her seat, but Qui-Gon forced her to sit down again. He motioned for them to all stay still. He creapt out of the cockpit.

The suspense was mind racking. No one could fathom what was going on… until another high pitched cry echoed through the ship. The seven Jedi sprang to their feet. Tahl ignited her lightsaber, nearly cleaving Bant's shoulder off. Clee snatched the hilt of the saber away and they all thundered out of the cockpit.

In the hall near the landing ramp were two men. One of them was Qui-Gon; still standing. The other was Mace Windu himself; sprawled out on the floor.

"what in the name of the force did you do?" Adi demanded, pointing to the unconscious master.

"I thought he was an intruder," Qui-Gon said sheepishly.

"What, the ghost of hyperspace?" Tahl rolled her eyes. Fearful whispers rose from the cluster of Padawans. Adi looked at them admonishingly. "You actually believe in that piece of space junk?"

"Shh… he'll hear you, Master!" Siri hissed.

Adi glared at her. "So you knocked him out?" Adi asked, turning to Qui-Gon.

"He snuck up on me," Qui-Gon replied feebily. He hid his reddened knuckles from view.

"Let's just get him off the floor," Clee sighed. They all lifted the Master and carried him to the main cabin. The set him on the sleepcouch and stood back.

"He's got a bump on his head, but it's minor," Siri assessed. "You sure didn't hit him hard, did you?"

"I… well… I _could _have hit him harder," Qui-Gon stammered.

"The ghost of hyperspace must have gotten him!" Obi-Wan shrieked.

Mace stirred. "The Senate…"

"The ghost of the Senate got him!" Obi-Wan corrected himself.

"No… the Senate… wait!" Mace sat up, dizzy. "Where am I?" He looked around at the Knights and Padawans.

"Qui-Gon knocked you out. I assume you were still heading off the landing ramp while we started the ship, and got stuck here," Tahl explained.

"That or the ghost of hyperspace got you!" Garen piped up. Clee smacked him.

"No. I was heading for the cockpit to tell you guys I was still on board."

"Then why did you scream?" Bant asked, her huge eyes wide.

"While you were hopping in and out of hyperspace, I was being thrown all over the place," was Mace's stiff reply.

"You can blame the cheap Senate for that," Clee said.

"The Senate," Mace echoed. He swung his legs over the couch. He stood, facing the eight. "I need you to turn this ship around. Take me back to Coruscant. _Or else I shall die around you lunatics._

**Will the Jedi agree to head back? Or will Mace be stuck with them forever? Stay tuned to find out. **


	4. Chapter 4: Crazy Padawans 'R' Us

**For the record, I don't own the Macarena. It was added for awfully awful humor.**

**Snow is the best comedian. You can quote me on that. **

In the cockpit of the ship, all the Jedi excluding Mace and the Padawans had gathered to scheme.

"We can't have a Jedi Council member breathing down our necks," Qui-Gon insisted.

"Really; it's not a big deal," Clee disagreed.

"He must leave." A deathly whisper came from the back of the cockpit. "Or he shall endanger us all." Siri had been spying in order to deliver a prophecy.

Tahl scoffed. "Who told you that, kid? This-"

"The force itself told us." Obi-Wan interrupted her, appearing behind Siri. His blue eyes were very, very serious.

"It told all of us that Mace's accident was a warning," Garen added, poking his head in.

Bant put on the best show. She shoved her comrades away and came at the Knights, moving like a zombie with mechanical, jerky motions. "He warns us… of great peril… to come… if we do not bow to his wishes… right away! She shook Qui-Gon by his shoulders, and pointed a shaky finger at Adi. Qui-Gon glowered at her, then stepped forward to protect Adi. "We're doooommmed!" She howled like a ghost.

Silence engulfed the ship. Motionless, dramatic silence. Like time was at a standstill.

Tahl was the first to react. She burst out laughing. Clee joined her, and so did Adi. But Qui-Gon... was still. Absolutely still. He even looked a bit worried. Maybe even scared.

"It's not funny!" Obi-Wan whined.

"Yeah. You're all… gonna die," Siri accused, surprised at their reaction. The women just laughed. Qui-Gon sat without saying a word.

"Let's leave them," Garen sniffed. "Perhaps the spirit shall spare us, in his mercy. Come; let us make a fire pit to Macarena around in his honor."

"Now _that _I have to see," Clee laughed. She stood, and so did Qui-Gon. He put a hand on her arm.

"Just… be careful. The Padawans seem a bit… strange."

"Yeah, they'll get over it," Clee shrugged. She brushed his hand away.

"We got to keep Mace on the ship," Adi suddenly sighed.

"Why are you kissing up to the Council _now_?" Tahl groaned.

"I'm not," Adi explained. "I checked the fuel levels. We don't have enough fuel to go back to Coruscant. We'll have to wait until our next stop. But according to Senate regulation…" she paused and flipped through a handbook the size of a phonebook. "784947, the more Jedi on a mission, the better. No Jedi should leave the mission unless it is deemed dangerous." She closed the handbook.

"I swear, the Senate gets crazier every year," Tahl remarked.

**Did anyone notice the chemistry between Qui-Gon and **_**all three women? **_**Ha! But in the end, Qui-Gon will only end up with one of them. Some confusion over this love triangle-ish thing, coming next chapter, along with more psychotic Padawans!**

**Reviews make my day.**


	5. Chapter 5: He's MYNE!

**Wow, I expected all these snow days would slow my updating. I guess I was wrong!**

Unfortunately, Mace soon found out about their plans. The ship shook as he bellowed, "What?!"

"You heard us," Adi said smugly. "Check the handbook. And make yourself at home."

"Handbook? The Senate- it's taking control!" The hairless Master spluttered.

Clee sighed. "I know, Mace. I know." She put a consoling hand on his shoulder.

"What a disappointment," Tahl solemnly chimed in. Qui-Gon hung his head.

Out of nowhere, Mace jumped to his feet. "Do you smell smoke?" He gasped. The words slowly sunk in as they realized that the Padawans were indeed Macarena-ing around the fire, as promised.

"On, no they didn't," Tahl said angrily with a hint of an attitude. "They didn't."

"They did!" Qui-Gon roared, grabbing the nearest fire extinguisher. He flashed a smile and did a hair flip. "Excuse me, ladies." He ran out of the room, screaming to the ceiling, "Ghost of hyperspace, please forgive me!"

The women gazed after him. Mace shrugged and followed at a slower pace, muttering something about acting like a Council member.

"Did you see him?" Clee asked dreamily. "Did you see Jinn?"

"Naw, I blinked and missed it." Tahl crossed her arms. "What did I miss?"

"Only the most loving, caring look into my eyes he's ever given me," Adi sighed.

Clee looked at her, skeptical. "Uh, no. Sorry. He looked at me that way. And remember how he touched me earlier?"

"He touched you?" Tahl gaped, mortified.

"Well, on my arm." Clee blushed at the miscommunication.

"He saved me from Bant," Adi pointed out.

"That's my Padawan you're talking about," Tahl warned. "And sorry, girls, but he's into me. Remember how mad he was at Obi-Wan when he fell into my arms?"

"Maybe he just didn't want Kenobi flirting with older women!" Clee challenged, having to shout above the chaos that had ensued in the other room.

"A likely story," Tahl sarcastically replied. "But more believable than your accounts. Sounds to me like he was just being a gentleman."

"Sounds to me like he was just abstinence intervention for his sick minded Padawan!" Adi screeched.

"Don't bring Padawans into this," Clee warned. Thus the conversation ended, because no one could find anything to say that did not bring them up.

Tahl looked flabbergasted yet triumphant. Clee looked dreamily triumphant, and Adi looked furiously triumphant. After the trio realized that each thought they were right, they announced, simultaneously, "We'll just have to ask Qui-Gon."

"But not too obvinusly," Adi cautioned.

"And not too rushed," Tahl added.

"And not too flirty," Clee amended.

The console beeped. Adi leaned over to examine it. "We're approaching the Belkadan system!" She said excitedly. "I think everyone will be happier when we're off this ship for a little bit."

Little did she know that the ship had been sabotaged, and that they were really heading to Korriban, world of the ancient Sith. But everyone was too busy extinguishing fires or crushing on Qui-Gon to notice.

**Coming up next: Drama and zombies and lessons in belly dancing!**

**Haha! No, there's not gonna be belly dancing.**

**Reviews are always appreciated.**


	6. Chapter 6: Korriban

**Next chapter. (wewt, wewt?) I finally gave in to all your reviews… but in doing so this chapter was very creepy and difficult to write.**

All nine Jedi crammed themselves into the cockpit to catch their first glimpse of Belkadan. As they lurched out of hyperspace, Garen exclaimed, "Wait, that isn't Belkadan!"

Wait, that isn't Belkadan!" Garen exclaimed.

"Lovely observation," Clee chastised. She moved next to Qui-Gon and leaned on his arm. Adi inched closer to him, brushing Clee out of the way. She placed her chin on his shoulder. He remained oblivious.

"It makes me nervous," Clee whispered. Qui-Gon patted her sympathetically on the shoulder.

Tahl sensed that they were all getting too close for comfort to Jinn. Using her blindness to her advantage, she pushed her way pass the Padawans, pretended to trip, and Qui-Gon caught her with his arms around her waist. "Oops. Clumsy me!" she blushed.

"No problem," Qui-Gon shrugged. He took a place at the pilot seat where no one could touch him. After some calculations, he let out a terrified yelp.

"What?" Mace demanded. He was standing by the Padawans who were staring at the planet, mesmerized. "It's... Korriban," he gasped. The cockpit was hushed as his words sunk in.

"Turn this ship around!" Tahl shrieked.

"It's... locked in autopilot!" Qui-Gon wailed.

"The ghoost!" Obi-Wan howled. "We have offended it!"

"And it's all Mace's fault!" Bant screamed.

"We're doomed," Clee cried.

The majority of the ship's computer controlled ascension into orbit and landing was spent in hysterics and cries of, 'kill Mace! Kill Mace!'

It wasn't until the ship touched down that they returned to their calm, Jedi like behavior. "Let's go out and examine the ship," Qui-Gon proposed. "Only three or four of us have to go. The rest can stay here."

The women wouldn't stay on the ship without Qui-Gon there, and the Padwans wouldn't stay on the ship without their Masters. Mace didn't want to stay on the ship alone, so they all ended up going out to investigate.

Outside a harsh wind whipped the humans. The ship had landed somewhere spooky... the tombs of the Sith. Everyone was stiff with fright. A strange, yowling sound came from the entrance. Bant leaped forward.

"He has come to speak with us!" She cried. The kids surged forward, calling out to the ghost.

The Masters followed, shouting at them to stop.

"No, And they did stop-but not soon enough. They were in a huge, cavernous cave- the tombs of the monstrous Sith.

"They've done it now," Tahl whispered as, out of nowhere, twisted, gnarly figures with moldy flesh and rigid limbs appeared.

"Sith zombies!" Siri screamed. "Run!" And so they took off, running as fast as their shaking feet could take them. They were delirious with terror, and the Sith would prey on that… as they hit a dead end.

"It's over," Clee cried. She flung herself into Qui-Gon's arms. "Save me!"

"No, save _me," _Adi ordered, also flinging herself into his arms.

"He wants to save _me,_" Tahl argued, also also flinging herself into his arms.

Qui-Gon was stuck holding the three of them and desperately trying not to wet himself in fear. "Er, I can't save all three of you."

The ladies reached a silent agreement in nodded in an instant. "So, which of us do you like?"

Now that the moment of truth had come, everyone was so nervous they could almost forget the zombies. Whose name would Qui-Gon call? Would it be the cute and charismatic Clee, who was by far the kindest of the three? Or would it be the amiable yet aggravating Adi, who had so much mature beauty. Or would it be the tempered yet temperate Tahl, who was his best friend?

"Isn't it obvious? Clee," Qui-Gon announced. Clee promptly pushed Adi and Tahl away and began smothering him in kisses.

"Ah- gah- ick- um- yeah- I love you, too- er- CLEE, GET OFF!" Qui-Gon bellowed.

"Whatever you say, honey," Clee sighed, backing away.

"Um… guys? What are we going to do?" Obi-Wan asked, the zombies closing in.

"Simple." Qui-Gon flew out of Clee's arms to pause in front of the group. Acting unaware of his surroundings, he shed his brown cloak. Adi caught it and buried her tearful face into it. A mischievous grin crossing his face, he took off his belt and passed it to Obi-Wan, so as not to get more tears on the expensive leather. Clee and Adi squealed, unsure why he was taking his clothes off but ecstatic all the same.

Off came his shirt next. That would have sent Clee over the edge, had the situation not been so dire.

Qui-Gon raised his arms at the approaching zombies and began moving his hips. Obi-Wan let out a blood curling scream and had to be subdued by Mace and Garen, both of whom couldn't bear to look at Qui-Gon; so ashamed they were that he was a member of the male race.

Even Bant and Siri were mesmerized by the way he moved his midriff.

And that was when the terror of the zombies was fought with terror. The display lasted less than a minute, but the living dead retreated. Qui-Gon led the embarrassed, love struck, and confused group out of the ruins, belly dancing all the way to ward off any other horrible predators.

He didn't stop until they were all on the ship and he was dressed.

Never before had the emotions of everyone been so high. Even back on Coruscant, the Council felt an odd tremor in the force; like dark, light, and love had collided. But the tremor wasn't because of the zombies; even as they fled Korriban, they were a house divided.

**That was *searches for a word that is not a bad word 'cause she gave up cursing* um… torture to write. I was blushing the entire time, especially since I was watching a Clash on the Titans featurette and Liam Neeson was talking and… *blushes* Gawd. You all owe me one. I did belly dancing for you. So you can make it up to me by reviewing.**


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